worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
