Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
