the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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