They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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