So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
