Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
