she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Randomize
