Kareoke will never be a sober sport
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Ladies don't puke and tell
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize