I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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