i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Acid is not a monday night drug
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
