Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
