I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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