Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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