I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
