Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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