so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
there was a trapeze. enough said
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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