It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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