I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Too much gin, very little bucket
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
