I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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