At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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