im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
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