Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
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