remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
