She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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