I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
