; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
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