Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
