my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
