Who wears a wallet chain?!
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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