She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
