you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
