there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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