If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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