we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
