Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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