She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
