TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
