Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
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