So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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