sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
