Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
