I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
