This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
