just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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