Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
