I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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