Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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