Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
