you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
