No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
