Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize