In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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