Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
