He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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