I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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