My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i used baking grease as lip gloss
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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