I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
