My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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