Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
