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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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