How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
