shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
