I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
We have started to decorate penises.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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