Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
